Posted: September 2, 2011 by Micah in Movie Reviews

Micah Retro- Reviews: Unknown 

Liam Neeson: Cooler than you or I will ever be.

Unknown is a movie with Liam Neeson being awesome. Cause he’s Liam Neeson. There are other peopl ein the movie and stuff happens, cars get into accidents, fools shoot each other,a woman goes to a weird art gallery, but the main theme remains forever: Liam Neeson is awesome.

The Plot: Dr. Martin Harris arrives in Germany with his wife, an old book his dead dad gave him, and about ten billion pounds of luggage. He’s there for a Biotechnicalogicalic Conference… thingy. Anyway,Martin (portrayed by the aforementioned Mr. Neeson) succeeds in being in Germany for about ten minutes before a rampaging fridge (not making that up)forces him and his taxi off the road and into the freezing water of… some river… that I don’t know the name of… cause it’s in Germany… so we’ll call it the Wiener Schnitzel cause that’s a totally German thing right? Yeah.

Martin is rescued from the Wiener Schnitzel by his cabbie (played by Heidi Klum) who drags him to shore and then disappears. Martin meanwhile has inappropriate flashbacks about his wife.  Cause that’s totally what people do when they get slammed into the Schnitzel. Martin wakes up four days later in a hospital and only barely remembers who he is and why he’s in Germany in the first place. His first course of action is to go find his wife only to discover that some other man is now claiming to be Martin Harris and his wife is (dun dun dUN) playing along with the man.

What? Huh? Schnitzel??? Anyway Martin must try and find outwhat in the world is going on and why his wife seems to have lost whatever tiny brain it is that she had in the first place. All the while he’s being chased bya group of assassins, and aided by a man so old he personally welcomed Moses as he disembarked from the ark. Seriously I’ve seen bleached skeletons that lookedyounger and healthier.

The positives: 

I have reached apoint in my movie watching life where very few movies actually keep me guessing.I can generally see a plot twist coming four miles away because (generally) thewriters of movies start foreshadowing things in the first ten minutes with allthe subtle grace of a gorilla swimming in the Wiener Schnitzel with a tiger glued to it. That said Unwanted I mean Unknown… wow…  kept me guessing all the way, and I never saw where the story was going until it hit me in the face. It was a big win.
Speaking of big; Liam Neeson (who must be like 6’ 5 or something) was amazing in this movie. I am a fan of his from way back in the day and he has only very rarely disappointed me. He doesn’t necessarily throw a ton of variety into characters but he plays all of them incredibly well and with a professionalism and consistency that is dauntingly amazing.

The Negatrons: 
I’ve never been a big fan of January Jones. First off,January Jones? That sounds like one of those 4 in the morning decisions. “Ineed a stage name by tomorrow let’s see… October Ogglethorpe? August Aubrey?? SeptemberSally? I got it! January Jones!!” Also she can’t act.

Honestly though the whole supporting cast of the film just feels a little off. The detective helping Neeson is half mummy. The man who takes over Martin Harris’s identity is unconvincing at best and while I suppose Heidi Klum does pretty well, the assassins and just about everyone else are, atbest, adequate and at worst distracting. It never hurts the movie too much butit does keep it from being as good as it could have been.

Also, it really is a little disconcerting how often Martin thinks about him and his wife kissing (among other things). Every time any one talks about his wife, anytime he sees his wife, anytime he gets hit in the head by a river, or just when he’s bored of trying to remember who he is. It’s weird.

In Conclusion: Unknown is a great movie with an amazing leading man and a great story. A weak-fish supporting cast keep the movie from being great but it is still very very good! (I’m copy writing that term by the way. Weak-fish. It was originally going to be “weakish”but man… best. Typo. Ever.)

I give it 4 flowing Schnitzels out of 5

  1. Spaces: Weput them between wordstoclarify themeaning. 😛

  2. Micah says:

    Believe it or not this is the cleaned up version! Welcome to the wonderful world of WordPress messing with your text!

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